Monterrey, MX '08

Spiritual Warfare

"If you are child of God an attack will come."

I'm really starting to understand the fact Satan is very crafty and out to get me. Here I am going about my own business feeling safe and secure and that things are all going so right and WHAM!! the wind is knocked out of me. i'm flooded with thoughts of past mistakes, guilt, being unworthy, worthlessness, and inadequacy...i start to question everything around me.

Thankfully I did a little study on spiritual warfare a couple of months ago...

I was reminded that I needed to ask God to open the eyes of my understanding and lead me into truth and that knowing and trusting in truth will help defend against Satan.

-"And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. ...I assure you that everyone who sins is a slave of sin. A slave is not a permanent member of the family, but a son is part of the family forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will indeed be free."-John 8:32, 34-36-

- "Long ago, even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes." -Ephesians 1:4-

I am so thankful that I have been cleansed by the blood of Jesus and filled with the spirit, escaping darkness and ready and able to walk in the light.

Putting on the full armor of God is a newer concept for me, but Ephesians gives a good description of this...

-"Be strong with the Lord’s mighty power. Put on all of God's armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies and tricks of the devil."-Ephesians 6:10-11

-"Use every piece of God's armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil, so that after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God's righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News, so that you will be fully prepared. In every battle you will need faith as your shield to stop the fiery arrows aimed at you by Satan. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Pray at all times and on every occasion in the power of the Holy Spirit. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all Christians everywhere."-Ephesians 6:13-18-

at least i know i'm doing something right that makes Satan feel like i'm worthy to attack. him doing so goes against the foolish thoughts he's been jamming in my head. thanks Satan for reminding me to turn to the one who loves me. and thanks for giving me the opportunity for him to remind me of just how precious i am to him and that through Christ i am FREE and viewed as without fault in His eyes! OH, and...I HATE YOU!!


"the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says do not be afraid
and the voice of truth says this is for my glory
out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth"
-Casting Crowns-

Here I go...

so, i've decided to start a blog. it's not really my thing, but i've recently been spending my extra time reading and playing around w/ others' blogs... and i caved. i can't promise i'll be updating as often as everyone else, but i guess we'll see what happens.



i figured i would start w/ the "short" version of my Jesus story as that is the one thing most people have been really wanting to know...



i didn't really grow up in a christian home, my mom went to church most sundays, but my dad never did. i really can only remember him going with us like maybe once or twice all my life. my mom gave me the choice, it was never anything she pushed on me, or really even encouraged for that matter. even though she did go to church i can't remember it ever reflecting in her life. she and my dad were constantly fighting and they weren't the best examples for my family. our family is insanely broken...my siblings and i would refer to our family tree as our family bush. it's insanely complicated and i pretty much have just given up trying to explain it to anyone as most people can't quite follow along.


our church was really small and very old fashioned so it wasn't really that great of a place for me to develop. our youth group was pretty much non existent, but i attended church camp from when i was in the 3rd grade until the summer after my senior year. i became a counselor when i was a junior and i pretty much lived for that and for the little retreats we had twice a year. camp was always the highlight of my year and i looked forward to being with friends and learning about Jesus...however, i wasn't really into really exploring anything until college.

the summer after my sophomore year of high school my parent divorced. although it was something that i felt needed to happen, because i knew my parents would never be able to make it together, when it actually happened i didn't deal with it very well at all. i always knew it was coming, as my mom was very open about sharing with me just how much she hated my dad, but of course something like that is never easy. my dad was completely blown away when he was served the papers. he had no idea it was coming and it pretty much ruined him. he and i both really suffered that summer and neither of us could do anything to keep any weight on. i always have a hard time thinking back to all of that because i never had anyone to share my feelings with. my friends parents were very devoted to each other and their families, so none of my friends had any idea what i was going through. they knew i wasn't dealing with it very well, they commented on how skinny i was all the time, but none of them ever really tried to talk about it with me. i was really hurt by the fact that no one seemed to care at all about helping me get through it. i'm sure they did, but it just isn't the way i would have dealt with an issue they were really struggling with, and i couldn't help myself to feel anything but alone.

my senior year of high school my mom was in a really bad accident and broke most of the bones in her face. her jaw had to be wired shut, most of her teeth were knocked out on the right side, and sections of her gum line were completely gone. having teeth replaced isn't a huge deal, but when there is nothing to build on or hold them in it becomes a big deal. on top of all that she lost feeling in her legs. the doctors told her that she would probably never walk again and she was big into running so i'm sure you can imagine that she was beyond devastated. i'm going to skip way ahead, since that's a whole other story for another time (if you're interested feel free to ask), but i'll just tell you she's doing amazing now! she's running again and looks great! PRAISE GOD!

so wow, high school sucked pretty hard core for me, i'm not gonna lie!

freshman year i got to college... i drank heavily and all that college crap. sophomore year i started going to Campus Crusade for Christ's weekly meetings called Real Life and was really interested in further developing my faith, but continued to drink heavily. i went through phases where i thought i felt close to God and would stop drinking and that eventually slowed down, but it was more of a process for me...it wasn't really anything that happened overnight. i had a lot of crap and a lot of feelings built up over the years and was in need for some serious healing.

i had been attending st. john's student catholic parish and riverview together for a while. i liked st john's because it was similar to the episcopalian service i was used to, but loved riverview because i could really see myself growing there. eventually i abandoned st. johns and just continued attending rivewview. i usually would go by myself every weekend and it was easy for people to not notice me because it's so big. that continued for a while, sometimes bringing friends, but mostly coming alone.

last spring semester i met my amazing friend, Rana, who helped me get all of the crap out that i needed to. she was there for me unlike any friend i had ever had and we became insanely close in such a short period of time. we like to talk about how we're twins in experience. she's a couple of years older than me and she's honestly been through so many of the same experiences as me almost right down to the tiniest detail. she understood everything, as she had experienced so much of the same, and i feel she was just as emotional as me in dealing w/a lot of my past. i see Christ in her more than i've seen it in anyone. she's now doing full time ministry and our world is so blessed by her. she's touched countless lives, and has helped bring these people to the Lord, and it just amazes me. God has used her as a ridiculously amazing tool in developing my faith and love for Him too. So from there it all just really started to take off and my life was changed.

Since then God is continually placing amazing people in my life and showing me his love everywhere in it. there isn't one place in my life where he isn't touching and stretching me.

it's beyond incredible to me that Jesus could rescue me, i honestly don't even have words to explain it...but it's so encouraging to me that i'll have him through all the rest of the crap i'll go through in my life... it's comforting to finally understand that i've never been and will never be alone.

"I remember all the times
the good times and the bad
I'm still holding on to you
some days I wanna run
and times I come undone
but I still belong to you
thats how I know that
when I feel like caving in
my heart my soul is wearing thin
I just want to give up
nothing seems at all to add up
can you hear me Lord
my face is down upon the floor
its then you whisper in my ear
be still and know I'm here"
-Storyside B